Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Say something about gay babies.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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