She is in my trunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
