and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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