Sponge bath it is.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
