So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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