Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
