SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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