dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
