Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
