Nicole vs. Life
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
