Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize