i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
