shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
