Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
