I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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