How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
