Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
