The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
