Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
