so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
