Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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