i don't like sucking hair
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
