don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
