that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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