i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You have to summon your inner elephant
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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