So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
