you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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