how can u be prego again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
