We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
