Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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