Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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