Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
