Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you bring me the toilet please
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
