Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
