is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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