Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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