when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
