I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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