My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
