I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
