Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
