I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
