The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
