I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
