Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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