4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
