It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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