The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
