Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
