Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
