Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
