it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
