I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
