my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
