it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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