like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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