Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
