her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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