We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize