we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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