He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
