I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
