Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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