4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
