I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My bed smells like the plague
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
