In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
