dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
