At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
