you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
