Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
tell me about the fingering
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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