Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
