Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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