you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
