hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
