so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can't talk, ducks in the car
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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