just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize