the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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