I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
