if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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