Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
