im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
