4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my poor anus
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
