Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
